How to talk to your preteen about sex

If your preteen is asking questions about the birds and the bees, it’s time to provide some useful and necessary information.

Preteens are at that stage of development where they become very curious about sex. As their bodies mature and they become interested in the opposite gender, they begin to ask questions and expect realistic answers.

Parents should be the first and primary source of information. Plan now for this task by studying the suggestions that follow and preparing for the inevitable when your child hits age twelve or so.

1. Begin when they’re young. Even preschoolers can ask startling questions about where babies come from. Reply with a simple answer:

“Babies grow in their mommy’s abdomens until it’s time to be born.”

Bingo, you’re done. Most younger children will be satisfied for the time being. As they grow older and learn they can trust you for honest answers and factual information, your children will continue to come to you with difficult questions as life experiences become more complex and challenging.

2. Preteens are a curious mix of innocent child and obnoxious teen. Season facts with simplicity to avoid overwhelming, embarrassing, or confusing them:

“The ideal is that babies are created when moms and dads join their bodies intimately and lovingly in a sexual union. Sometimes people casually have sex without planning for a baby, but sexual behavior requires responsible people for happy outcomes.”

3. Obviously you will need to explain names of body parts and their functions, along with requisite parameters for appropriate sexual behavior. Preteens probably know of classmates or neighborhood kids who are having sex and perhaps have gotten pregnant or contracted a sexually transmitted disease. These unfortunate experiences can provide insightful examples of poor behavior choices made by ill prepared teens who now suffer negative consequences.

4. Contact your child’s school to find out the type of sex education program, if any, that is being offered to your children. Decide if you feel it is appropriate. If not, inform the school that you would like your children to have a study hall or library pass instead of attending sex education classes.

5. Look for helpful resources at the bookstore or library. Age-appropriate materials may do a better job than the average parent of objectively describing human sexual and reproductive behavior. Screen materials first to be sure they are suitable.

6. Monitor your preteen’s friends and activities. Kids learn a lot from their peers, especially information of a sexual nature. Steer your kids toward healthy friendships with kids whose values align with yours, and from families who provide a safe environment for your children to visit.

7. Involve your kids in wholesome organizations and activities, such as boys’ and girls’ clubs, 4-H, and religious youth groups. Kids who spend time with large groups of friends are less likely to focus on one-to-one romantic relationships that are so much promoted in entertainment media like music and films.

The bottom line is to maintain a healthy relationship built on mutual trust and open communication with your kids throughout their growing up years. Parents who take the time to establish a solid foundation will find their kids continue to be responsive to their guidance despite occasional rocky periods during the teen years.